How to Explain Your Surrogacy Journey to Your Children: 8 Tips for Success
There are a few things to consider as you tell your children about your surrogacy journey. The way you approach the conversation will depend on your child’s age and cognitive ability, whether there are other siblings in your family, and the support and awareness around you, your family, and your community.
It is important that your children learn directly from you that you are a surrogate, before they overhear any conversations about it or are asked about it from someone else. Here are eight tips to keep in mind while you talk to your children to make sure they understand, respect, and get excited alongside you on this beautiful journey.
Follow your children’s lead. Share with them the basic information and see if they ask another question. If they do, answer that particular question. Avoid overloading them with more information than they are asking or are ready for.
If your children are very young you can wait until you know you are pregnant so that they don't have to hold the information for too long a period of time.
如果您的孩子比较小，我发现最好的方式来描述代孕是给他们看准父母的照片，这样能给他们一些有形的东西，可以看到和联系起来。您可以向他们解释，准父母家庭希望他们也有机会拥有一个孩子，就像您拥有他们一样。 与他们分享，准妈妈的身体无法怀一个孩子，所以您要帮助他们在您的身体里怀这个宝宝。让他们知道您是在帮助他们的宝宝成长，但不会成为宝宝的妈妈。这是您能够送给想生宝宝的人的一份礼物。
对您的孩子使用"代母"这个词很重要。这是你们家庭生活中如此重要的事件；他们应该觉得自己是其中的一部分。 他们需要知道"代母"是什么意思，因为他们一定会听到您和其他成年人之间个人的或医学上的对话。
您可能会惊讶于有多少人在公众场合愿意讨论和询问个人问题。他们很可能会认为您将给您的孩子带来一个兄弟或者姐妹，他们可能会直接问他们："你是不是要有一个弟弟或妹妹了？"您的孩子应该掌握了信息，以一种他们觉得舒服的方式来回答。 他们可能希望回答这个问题，或者把对方引到您这里来让您回答。
Some children may ask about the medical piece, as you will be going to several medical appointments. You may get questions like, “How does the baby get inside?” Depending on their age, you may respond by saying, “With the doctor’s help.” Depending on how inquisitive your child is, as well as their age, will determine how much technical information they need. If you are not sure of the language to use there are some books that can help so that you can read the material to them.
With children at all ages it is important to reassure them that you are doing ok, even if you have nausea and don't feel well, or are going to the doctor more often. If your children are a bit older you can let them know that not every seed or embryo becomes a baby and that you may be trying a few times.
If you have multiple children of different ages and you choose to tell your older ones, we don't want them to have to hold a secret from your younger children. Sometimes it is best to tell your different aged children separately so you can answer their various, age appropriate questions.
Surrogacy is an exciting journey to take with your family. It is an opportunity for your children to learn about you and have a unique life experience you will always remember!
